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*huff huff*

Doc, doc, help me, I'm dying!

Whoa! What happened to you? Your head looks like a swollen tomato!

I have a panic attack, help me, please!

Alright, alright, lie down, I'll give you a shot.

...better?

Yeah, somehow.

I gave you some morphine. It should last for a while. What happened, anyway?

I kept thinking about the flu virus and the casualties and suddenly I couldn't breathe anymore. Can you give me one more of those shots?

No can do, got my regulars to think about.

Your regulars?

Yeah, the chief of police's son. 

What, is he suffering from panic attacks too?

And more. If I don't give it to him, he starts harassing people and other bad things. 

Well, does he come often?

Often enough. Him and his gang.

Oh, I see...Wait a minute...

___________________________________________________

Doc, I have a sore throat.

It could be a cold.

But what if it isn't? Last week I went out and invited a girl to dance at a bar

And?

The guy next to her - a huge gorilla - suddenly stood up and I backed down.

And?

Well, she coughed when she saw that. What if I got infected?

Look, she choked with her drink when she saw your bravery. Not every cough is a death threat.

Yeah, but...did you see how many people died last week? Hundreds, thousands! I bet they never suspected anything. What if I got infected? Doc, give me more of that stuff, please.

I told you, that's enough! Relax, all the people that died were 90% elderly. You're young, so don't worry.

But so what? 

Well, they had multiple problems, from high blood pressure to cancer and diabetes. 

So...you mean...it's not the flu that killed them?

It is the flu! Without it, they could've lived for many many years. That flu is definitely murderous.

Oh, I see...Wait a minute!...

__________________________________________________________

Doc, what if it's the flu?

The normal one?

Yeah.

Well, you have to make sure to get plenty of rest. Eat well, drink many liquids, forget your worries.

That all?

Exercise now and then - it's your body that is fighting the illnesses, so you have to train it. And if you get s a fever, I can prescribe a few meds. But it's essential to take it easy and let your body work it off.

Alright...but what if it's the new one?

Look, if you suspect anything, just do the test. I can do it right now for you, but...knowing you, it's fine. You don't even talk to your family anymore, I'm surprised you went to a bar.

I was stressed. And I do talk to my family...via whatsup. 

Aha.

But, doc...if it's the new thing, will I die?

I told you, take it easy. We don't have a cure yet - that would be a vaccine - but there are other things you can do.

Like what?

Well, you have to make sure to get plenty of rest. Eat well, drink many liquids, forget your worries.

That all?

Exercise now and then - it's your body that is fighting the illnesses, so you have to train it. And if you get s a fever, I can prescribe a few meds. But it's essential to take it easy and let your body work it off.

Oh, I see...Wait a minute!...

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Posted (edited)

And here's some fun comments that made me laugh:

It's a good thing that animals of prey don't act like humans do when dealing with this type of thing .. otherwise, they'd all be extinct.  I can see it now, the entire herd of deer walking alongside the ailing one that is 14 years old and can barely move.  In an instant, an entire pride of lions rains down on the entire herd of deer, mauling every last one of them .. up to the healthiest one in the bunch.

its even lower in (). our govt has declared a curfew. obviously the flu only works at night.

The Pope addressed the crowd outside the Vatican yesterday. In part he said "just say they all died from COVID and let G-d sort them out."

 

Edited by Ungod
moar
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  • 2 weeks later...

Huehue, I found a funny article:
 

Spoiler

 

What, you’re probably asking, is the War on Death? Well … for those who remember the War on Terror, the War on Death is just like that, except this time the evil enemy is Death … or, all right, maybe not exactly like that, but there are a number of striking similarities.

For one thing, just like the War on Terror, we didn’t start it. Death attacked us! There we were, peacefully going about our global capitalist business, when Death attacked us with a coronavirus … more or less exactly the way that the terrorists attacked us in 2001.

And, just like after those terrorist attacks, the world has united and forcefully responded. No, we haven’t invaded Iraq again (well, actually, we did bomb them a little), but we have locked down almost the entire planet, virtually shut down the global economy, and are scaring the masses into a state of unprecedented mass hysteria.

Police are patrolling the streets of Europe, checking people’s “permission-to-go-outside” papers.

In the U.K., soldiers are standing by to assist with “protecting possible quarantine zones,” or to “cope with the breakdown of civil society.” Israel is tapping its formerly secret collection of everyone’s mobile phone records to identify people who might be infected, and assorted “others who need to be quarantined.”

Macron (now relieved of his Gilets Jaunes problem!) is ready to “rule by decree” if necessary. California is “prepared to enact martial law.” The U.S. military is “prepared to deploy in support of potential extraordinary missions,” including “quelling civil disturbances.”

The U.S. Department of Justice is asking Congress for the power to detain people indefinitely. The British Parliament is on the brink of passing an emergency “Coronavirus Bill” that will (among other unsettling provisions) grant authorities the power to arrest and indefinitely quarantine anyone they deem a “potentially infectious person” … or, in other words, pretty much anyone they want.

But wait, it gets even better than that. In Missouri, prosecutors have charged an idiot who licked some items at Walmart as a “terrorist.” I kid you not, a Coronavirus Terrorist. I could go on, but I think you get the picture (if you need more examples, check this Twitter thread).

The point is, the global capitalist empire (for whatever reasons, real or imagined) has turned on the MINDLESS HYSTERIA machine, and dialed it up as high as it goes. People are in full-blown headless chicken mode. No one (or hardly anyone) is thinking, or listening to dissenting opinions, or paying attention to official statistics, or common sense, or anything else that contradicts the War on Death narrative.

The British tabloids are publishing horror stories about “doctors” standing by and helplessly watching as patients slowly suffocate to death. According to such stories, not only are these “doctors” unable to treat roughly 400 patients with any of the UK’s over 8,000 ventilators, but, apparently, patients whose hearts have stopped (and who are therefore unconscious) are also now capable of “dying in agony” with “terror in their eyes.”

 

It goes on and on...look for War on Death

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