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I'm Starting a Novell /Any Help appreciated!

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On 3/13/2019 at 9:41 PM, Bashaw Steel said:

Congratulations, Ignnus! May written word bring to you what others could not:)

I read the first part so here goes..

Avoid "ifs" in character introduction. It makes them look weak not by nature but by design, its better to start with more clear insight to their 

It is smart to describe the inner workings of the character first and then get to their agendas, ambition, goals etc.. So reader can follow and justify their action
which always has to be aligned with their inner self. Every "why" has to has an answer sooner rather than later.

Avoid creating a protagonist that is of opposite gender of your own:D Seriously, its far harder that people think.
For some reason female writers are far better in such things than man, to be perfectly objective:)

Most importantly, keep on writing and learn from mistakes. It`s a fascinating journey, Ignnus, never get tired of walking;)

Thanks a lot, these are not only helpful hints, are also encouragements which i always appreciate. Thanks for reading, and i agree with what you said. Maybe i should kill her and replace her with me :)

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Congratulations, Ignnus! May written word bring to you what others could not:) I read the first part so here goes.. Avoid "ifs" in character introduction. It makes them look weak not by natu

I hope you don't mind me being blunt, but it reads like you've been dumped by an overweight woman and are very bitter over it. Perhaps take a step back and be a little more objective towards the

It would help giving her some background story as to why she thinks this way, perhaps a degree in gender studies or men with snouts surrounding her would suffice.

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On 3/10/2019 at 11:29 PM, Ungod said:

well, you don't have to be disappointed, because it's a start. some may say it's a bad start, i'd say it's okay, but it's only the start.

Thanks a lot.


On 3/10/2019 at 11:29 PM, Ungod said:

the way I see it, I divide books in two big piles: fun (entertainment) and how-to (manuals). There are fun books which last for centuries , because they also contain advice to heed; there are manuals that teach things in a fun way, so you can mix if you so feel.



On 3/10/2019 at 11:29 PM, Ungod said:

but when you decide to write, you basically choose from those two, and if it's entertainment, you HAVE to entertain. That's your purpose, and your readers have to be entertained. If it's not entertaining, or it is close to being entertaining, it means you have to work more

I'll be honest, I write this to entertain myself, i'm not super serious. But I'm also just realizing the effort needed to entertain people as you say.


On 3/10/2019 at 11:29 PM, Ungod said:

i'm sorry I write on your post so much instead of actual writers (md players) - they could point out more and give better advice...

 Thank you for the discussion and the help. I appreciate it.

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Chapter 5 - ?



The sound of market was super annoying. Because she often was fascinated or obsessed with details, like what day is it or how clean is are the shelves and the table. Luckily there was a memorial a few house later. An important and rich merchant Lord Aardvark J. Ulcer were deceased. She and her friends more dreamy than they were sad or depressed for this oppressive and rich merchant, to say the least. 

The chilly weather didn't seemed to bother the townsfolk who gathered around the clearing for the funeral. People paid their respects one by one. The mayor seemed to be conversing with townspeople. While some spoke out loud:

.."i've lost someone close to me and it is so sad. We would often talk and laugh, and this memorial reminds me of him so much.We were in the same family for 50 years. .." 

.."My family member died last year, it was always sad like life, this funeral reminds me of her. She worked a lot
and nice person..."

..."I'm a survivor of the poison that killed our family, its always sad and reminds me of them, i really like this weather, rain also reminds me of them. They would laugh and cry when it was raining, anyway i'm the only one remaining"...

Damn it, she wanted to join the dance floor but she didn't prepare a speech. That required work and thinking, it wasn't the time. She hurried to say something: "my family lost some members too, i remember this time when.." suddenly her speech was cut short by the mayor. She cursed her luck and her family for not being dead, then she regretted it, she loved her family in her own way.

"Alright ladies and gentleman, that is it unless anyone else wants to say something.."

"Let me say one thing my lord." .A woman in shiny armor looked at the crowd then saluted the mayor. Hello mayor,  what i'd like to say is not important, King Heron ordered me to pay condolences. He is also upset. They were friends. There was polite agreement around.

Someone else spoke: "excuse me i have something to say:

I'm tired of seeing people die in this town because of grudges. Can't we just live in peace?" There were agreements among the  sound of crying.


People were startled, they looked to the sky where an amazing voice booming. 

The crowd was asking "What the hell is going on?" each other. Everyone stopped.

liri.. centii.. laciri.. enericiii...  "What is that mean?"

The voice resonated and shook the ground. Air vibrations were very distracting and loud, the voice repeated the phrase.

Leiri cejuri enjiri, liri centiri.... 

People started scattering to all directions, their voices drowned by the tidal wave.  Folks who were slow to run seemed to be holding their heads. She was fine. She carefully observed her surroundings. There was only that lady from earlier and a teen. Coffin was nowhere to be found too. The teen was however in bad shape, screaming or moaning. When the angel grabbed his hand, he looked at her. She was shouting something, he nodded. And they ran down the hill together. She noticed the kids face and body seemed to be in very bad shape. Some of his features seemed distorted or dislocated.

Hey. Were ware we rumnim?
We must away from here first. Don't talk.
"Om i goum to die, sister?" Kid asked. 
Not if i can help it.

She was the only one. Except the people.


First i apologize for my English, and butchering it. Fortunately ,there is a spoiler tag to shield your eyes.

Secondly, this is getting difficult to write. Perhaps honeymoon is over. Or i'm not angry enough. I'm not sure which. On a brighter note, i made lots of progress on the lore & town.

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Chapter 6 - 666



"You have angered the deities, you cannot ignore them". Someone was chanting or shouting. She laughed. LOL. She observed her surroundings. It was getting dark. There were a lot of rich people. Like a puffin' palm tree she lifted their purses and belongings. She noticed some kind of parchment. That seemed like a contract with an insignia. Mercenaries.. ? They were tasked with clearing farm space for the town.

She was not a calculative person, in the eternal halls, she would often be seen chewing gum, winking to people. She started to calculate meticulously. There was no doubt they were not her friends, she hated their leader and principles. I mean what were they thinking? Fighting for money was the blasphemy.
"Even if i can't change the world,  we must believe in principles with a clear conscience. And maybe someday sights of civilization will improve."

Not only that, the mercenary guild offered people work. The employment rates was lowest since anyone can remember. Even a child could earn money. Everyone was happy, except the parents. There were rumors that the mercs were planning to move to the south. Veterans were tired from the bloody battles of midwest, and they wanted respect and to take care of their families.

"What a bunch of non-recycling bastards". She would fight for people ah, she was a mage of non-considerable talent. Could they just kill billions on the wars and live happily ever after? No. With this papyrus at her hand she was sure old guard would send these people to gallows. Except the document said her own faction was conspiring. No problem, just change the names. She would see her mentor and leader, Bridgitte the Blondie at the fifth day from now of the dawn


Guys, i'm sorry, i know this chapter is kinda bad/sucks.   Not a particularly great week for me. So i decided for a light/quick/fast chapter. So ehrm.. if you somewhat care, I promise the novel will get better.

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Chapter 7 - I'll gen



Whats up with this disease? Should i move near the ocean or something? She thought, when you define a system and set its rules, also some things are forever lost to you. If i'm not the lost part, then what? Why is it so dark and cold anyway? Ist the weather.. what's with this weather?  Whatever.. She was mymblin'  "wop wop wop wop and nanna styl.."

The coins was scarce, the silver was nonexistant. Wither thou wouldst i .... she lamented. Forgiveness? Huh? Why should i?
She was a member of incivnible reggenaretion. Don't act careless now, this isn't the village farms where the crops-mostly wheat- *chhcschhschs*..ed. Isn't it weird to call sunlight sun light? It should be sun ray or something.

Isn't all the field is totally dark? There is no sun. My vision is kinda lost. I could just shout to heavens, they do it so why can't i? You are nothing. Don't believe anyone. Teaching anyone anything, math for example, was the worst kind of lie, everyone knew the earth is managed by the exalted turtle.

Kitchen is nice. kitchen is our friend. Best stove was gen save her. Because she understood she didn't matter. There wasn't some prophetic story. No energy was here. Like they were dragging a boxer they carried her. She remembered. She punched a statue. She first slapped its hair, but that didn't feel satisfying. She wanted to draw stuff but the animal blood was expensive. The anger like she didn't know enraged her. She decided to smash the statue to bits. She attacked the statue. At first she thought she would succeed then suddenly she saw yellow eyes and she flied to the other side of the street.


Haha!. No

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Chapter 8 - Suspension



It was summer or some time after it, the building was [whiteish] in color and upper part was in construction. There were banners hanging from the third floor to the first floor. Part of the emblem featured a raven on a triangular background. She was standing on a foyer that covered the door as well and was of the same material as the building. There wasn't any motifs on the building. Yet there were shadows of other convergent structures. You could hear a wind flap or so.

She observed. Trees were there on high ground that featured three arms of a star. There were ledges and winding paths that went nowhere. To the south the sea line was low and vast. One side was like a half circle to the shore. There were fields of wheat that was as high as a human. In the middle of the field sat a fat baby in diapers, lord [name], it was the creator of this world. The giant baby would roll and flip, yet never went to the forest. He would sometimes lift his arms and pray to the forest three times a day then run around for the rest. Sometimes it would try to run 100 meter dashes. She looked at the field then draw her two handed sword, lunged at baby's feet. The baby cursed *** and looked down. He smiled and chuckled then picked her up, pinching her ears and nose. OW ow ow. He flied her around like a car or plane *wiuuuvv* in the air and the sea. After some time baby got tired and sat at the shoreline. She was frightened and half dead. Still the view was great.


My English is failing me hard. What to do?
Also can't name anything, i welcome any name suggestions, or if you want to be featured no problem. I'll try to be nice.

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No chapter this week, sorry. The wear and tear of routine, plus my dislike of the overall current political environment. I kinda drafted the draft of chapter 9, its not up to par. There are several more reasons for this, some are simple, some are not i assume..or not.We will have the chapter 9-10 next week, sorry and happy MD birthday. :)

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The Relizalion Syrsimo walked through the path. There were trees. He could see people signalling from the castle.
He nodded to stipulate he understand. He placed the green tomato on a branch. The syrsimo family and he
didn't get along. They were righteous and well-educated folk, the kind you should fear most some would say.

The Celeste had nice promises but then was killed on the way by the rogue Rn Wyfn. The fear was
nobody's best darling, it was for free, so unlike living in the desert. The fight would go on.
What am i talking about? Poor Celeste.

The lounge had 3 separate areas. He hid in the middle. After days of running and hiding he could
finally rest here. Just when he was about the set camp, she appeared. The ghost of the lady who
was killed by the baby. Well, more like the worst ogre in the world. She was screeching: "father..
father..". So he killed her then cut off her thumb.

Torches and the crowd deemed thoughts useless. Mother death was smirking.


I have no idea what's going on with this novel anymore.  At least i'm naming names. +2 next week, sooooory.

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I doooooooooooooooooooooooooooon't care, leave me alone. The itch and the scratchy world was turning me to
a savage. My eyes were burning and there were weird plant particules in the air. You are awesome bro he thought to no one in general, you really know how to curb your pride and fight to the death like an automaton.

His aunt Lady Vylavont was constantly pestering him for some reason. And to make matter worse there was a ghost following him around now, howling "my thumb, uhuu". "Hey, look, it was a mistake, i didn't mean to cut off your thumb okay? So piss off." She seemed amused to no one in particular.

There was rust, and there was dust. The nature churned.

-okay, you can run around if you answer my questions, ok?. She nodded. How would i win a fight?, tell me.

-you would win because you are righteous, my lord.

He facepalmed. "Please, don't call me my lord, you fatso. I'm already grossed out." She frowned then added:

-Hate them to death, sir?

"Its always nice to hate, its more of an healthy exercise. Everyone hates each other. But how does that help me?"
She shrugged.
"How annoying."
"I don't know. As much as your aunty?"
"What's up with the cute attitude, your looks and personality are a totally awkward combination? And more
importantly, this isn't that kind of novel. Where is the lesson? Where is the rage?"
He was hitting his forehead over the desk repeatedly. She started doing the same with her illusionary body.
"Alright, i thought of a genius idea." She seemed eager, "what is it?"
"Never mind it's stupid. What is your name anyway?"
"charade, son of charade"
"That's very lame. Anyway, interesting that you didn't lose your sense of humor. Or its like new found, hmm?"
"She pouted with guilt."
"I should read some books about ghosts now that i have a ghost pet." He thought for a moment, "never mind i'll
do it later."


*Squeal Squeal.* :xD

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Nice to see you still on the track!
Do you read something particular that drives you to create, ignnus? Or does it "gnaws" at your soul, urging you to let it go?:)
To be honest, your ideas are far better than the way you are presenting them. Try to make many short stories from this at first.
It will be rewarding to your mind that you accomplished something meaningful and there is less room for mistakes along the way:)

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Sorry i didn't see your reply before.

I'm familiar with most of the classic novels, though they weren't in their original languages. There is a deficit of interest in popular novels and anything in general since then that i disdain most literature now.  I liked Peter Pan a lot.

Regarding the nice ideas, i'm somehow aware i'm somehow talented, i also am not someone who's a hard worker. Due to cost efficiency, to please the reader doesn't interest me a lot. And thank you for saying so. I try to just imagine everything and simulate, and not think a clever idea/plot then convey. 

I try to keep track any media that is interesting, to me everything is related to imagination, that is the forge where anything can be made for the least cost. I can't recommend novels to you since i'm clueless. For poets:


John donne(most talented), Auden, Burnside, Plath, Tennyson, Hill and the riff raff: Celan, Carlos Williams, Wallace Stevens, Mary Wroth, Marina Ivanovna, Giacomo Leopardi, Ziya Paşa, Walter de la Mare

and others i can't remember.  For recommendations, there are a lot of anthologies of all kinds, and they are always a joy.

I'm currently reading the bible, its nicer than most books.

For other media that are related to storytelling, I'm a fan of Witcher & BG series, he man cartoon, x-files, supernatural(castiel lol), hajimete no gal, orville, ninja turtles&spiderman(90s versions), the movies: ninth gate and the pitch black. fantasy books: Zero Sight, albion's dream, Lotr & Harry potter, Rift War first book and more i can't remember.

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If you are aware of your talent it is only a matter of time before you get a hold of your writing frenzy. Fire needs to be tamed:)

When i begin a story i have this shiny perfection in my head and i instantly fall in love with it.
Now, when i start to write slight imperfections begin to appear and they tend to grow the longer the book, hence why i told you 
to focus on shorter stuff. Thing is, this is where hard work comes to play. Without it, you are just someone who have a story
within you, not the writer himself. You must present yourself as worthy of your gift or half-finished story will always come back to haunt you.

You have refine taste for occult themes where innocence is main protagonist, perhaps you should try the same field:)


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On 5/9/2019 at 3:50 PM, Bashaw Steel said:

When i begin a story i have this shiny perfection in my head and i instantly fall in love with it.

I can respect that, this is perhaps where we differ with regards to construction. I don't want to go on a lengthy discussion still i can not think logically, i prefer intuition. This can be a weakness to rally  and a strength to improve.

On 5/9/2019 at 3:50 PM, Bashaw Steel said:

Now, when i start to write slight imperfections begin to appear and they tend to grow the longer the book,

I'm familiar with this, not an issue for me to ponder a lot, instead of imperfections, disrespect towards the reader and some kind of repulsive heavy handed ness can often occur for me.

On 5/9/2019 at 3:50 PM, Bashaw Steel said:

hence why i told you to focus on shorter stuff. Thing is, this is where hard work comes to play. Without it, you are just someone who have a story within you, not the writer himself. You must present yourself as worthy of your gift or half-finished story will always come back to haunt you.

I don't want to present myself, this is meant to be a joke, a test for me and a freebie on the left field that grew way too comfortable with way too little skill.

On 5/9/2019 at 3:50 PM, Bashaw Steel said:

You have refine taste for occult themes where innocence is main protagonist, perhaps you should try the same field:)

Haha, thanks but i'm sorry what? 

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Ignnus, quoting parts of certain thought will often mislead you especially if you think about them as a whole.
Parts are exactly that-parts. I wrote that to show you how i feel about writing and how you should avoid things
i learned the hard way. My mistake, perhaps i was too Bashy:D 
You do how you think is best, best of luck:)

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Chapter 9 - Chapter



I'm toast its too hot. The crickets chirped, for a second he imagined the hopeless feasibility to go berserk and kill everyone.


-Alexandria said its environmental that is related to human interference of nature. Do you know anything about that, aunt?  
-TTL was talking about that the other day, who is Alexandria?
-Oh, you know, TTL? AOC is the new apprentice of TTL. I don't think she has long to live.
-Her aunt raised an eyebrow, seemingly pondering.
-I'm off to see her now, later.
If there was a word for the impression the architecture of the Magister hall oozed it would be hostility.  The statues seemed to hissing at everyone with some believable sort of sneer and disdain. Ignorant has no fear apparently. Tsk tsk. Hey, that's pretty good, he thought.

"Excuse me, i was looking for Alexandria Curtez", he said to the receptionist. Oh? One minute i'll call her. "Occasiooo, your friend Syrisimo is here." There was no answer. "She must be at the courtyard. Why don't you wait? I'll go get her", he nodded, she left the room.

Syrissimo looked around the enclosure.  It was a regular medical wing room, nothing out of place. The frame of mind of aunt's said otherwise. He went through the door she disappeared and emerged in an ill-lit hallway. The air was strangely eerie.
He opened a door, it was locked. "Are they all locked, what a waste of time." He tried another. 

Wow. This was surprising. 
Coffins, lots of coffins. He speculated these people were the ones who died here. Or more likely they were stored as research agent. He opened one. The person looked familiar. Wasn't this the J. Ulcer?  The moment the corpse heard the name it opened his eyes.
Aw crap. He cursed everything and run like never before.

There was a fire? I know nothing about that.



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59 minutes ago, Bashaw Steel said:

Ignnus, quoting parts of certain thought will often mislead you especially if you think about them as a whole.
Parts are exactly that-parts. I wrote that to show you how i feel about writing and how you should avoid things
i learned the hard way. My mistake, perhaps i was too Bashy:D 
You do how you think is best, best of luck:)

I didn't mean to argue incessantly. If i gave the impression i was offended, i wasn't and i'm sorry. I appreciate your insights. I used to try writing stories and it happened like you say, some flaw or whatever. If it helps i don't think that is important or necessarily related to author's talent.

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Chapter 10 -  The King and the Queen



Have you ever heard a woman whistle?
I'm telling you, its like i've discovered the truth.
-Why it is important?
Because, devil is in details. Why the hell woman doesn't whistle? Just ...why?
-Maybe you should ask your aunt?
Wouldn't even register or worse she steals my work? Nay. I'll try to make another woman whistle..
-That's .. a weird goal. Not exactly abusive but i can tell.. there is something wrong with that.
You think so? This isn't one of those made up terms that explains what's wrong with people you don't like, is it?
Never mind then.

Can time rot? Would we want it rotten? Maybe, and yes. You know like suckling on the tits of God, according to us everything
must be lowered to our level first. That somehow doesn't work with time. The definition itself is problematic. Time is
more than a shade. Are we friends still?

Its interesting how these kind of thoughts happen when i run afraid or say extremely happy, out of nowhere. J. Ulcer was bad news. More like fake news. It was bad news for the TNN. He reckoned the TNN building was about to be turned into a [disaster zone]. So no trouble if he just skedaddle, he hoped.

The Pristine Ford stumbled out from the burning building. Immolated variegated bits and chunks dropped like melted multifaceted emanations. Searing the shoulder, its face shimmered. She laughed a toothy laugh. Hahahahaaaaaaaa... You can't kill me..She closed her eyes. The casket was pulsing, more defiantly alas strange. Could it be? Was she going to heal now? This was trouble.. for everyone. Then the emerald worm lofted from the earth and gobbled her in a second.

Relizalion couldn't believe his eyes. Was there an elemental here? How could there be?


A mix up i guess..  What will happen next? 

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Chapter 11 - Say Cheese

BEFORE YOU READ! I'm not liable for any damages to your personality, character, mind ETC... or likewise.

Please forgive the grammar mistakes. I tried fixing most..




Everything is so proper now, you'd think there has never been any evil throughout history. And even if it were, nobody knew
anything about it. God, do i hate cheese. Its so weird to eat that salty smelling sponge then be proud about it. What's next
cider dish?


The sun has set and it was darkness. "Seems like i managed to lose that crazy ghost.. Where am i now though? "

"That is the question, isn't it?"

Relizalyon facepalmed. Oh? Lets hear it.

Wisdom my friend.. and equality.


That's it.

Hey, i'm talking about your purpose of speaking to me and the meaning of your drivel..You are out of place, doesn't this
awkwardness bother you?

Tsk tsk, those are not the issues here, I'm in the right so you are in the wrong, that's the issue here.

oh ok. He *shrugged*.

Tsk tsk tsk, arrest this fascist immediately. More man appeared from the forest, they seemed to be bandits. 


Tsk tsk.. owww oww. "How dare you!!!"

The relizalion put his left foot right through old man's face. His aunt was annoying but she was stern on his martial arts education
what not. He started running away, "better than to trouble myself with this lot."

I seemed to be at the river of some sorts. I should be close to the village. He carefully approached the town.
Where was the fights and explosions or some kind of loud discussion and shouting. This absolute silence. How boring..
and interesting. 

Relizalion walked to the village pub, hey what's going on here?


Actually, we have invented a new cheese. .....

He smiled, how interesting, tell me more....I knew it, i've always been a fan. Oh there is a competition? I'll join.

The contest was being held by the captain of the blackguards, Ungod. Someone yelped "What kind of name is that!?". 
"Its a nickname, you don't really think my real name is ungod, do you?" 

No sir, of course not. Listen up, here are the rules. Don't waste the food, don't
try to cheat. If you can eat all the cheese in the baskets, the faster contestant wins. He laughed, "Then you have to run
down the slope." All the food is provided by the merchants of out town. There is enough for everyone. 

Bunch of beggars and poor townsmen started stirring, approaching the tables.

"Excuse me what the hell are you doing? Step aside now, i'm not going to warn you again. Relizalion *smirked*.

You know what? This is actually quite good. Hey, i can admit if i was wrong. The sweetness and the cheese are perfect. He was
feeling like he was forgetting something and someone was getting super angry. He *smirked*. You see, here there is another
contest for the best name chosen for this cheese. Hee stopped eating...he muffled.. Toblerone?




Here here

"How did you come up with this name?"

Cause i'm a genius. 

"Of course sir."

I have one problem with all this. 

Crowd ohhed. what is it? There was tension.

"The pricing. Will i be able to afford this if i want to eat like 5 times a day."

There were laughter. Clapping and serious agreements.

Hmm, there could be some changes to the texture. Perhaps this version would be costly and extravagant ot the public. The final
product would be quite different. "I'm sure most people here would afford it." There was disdain in his voice.

I forgot to ask.. Who manufactured this genius cheese?

It was Aardvark J. ulcer.

Blood drained from Relizalon's face.

Is something the matter? You seem not well.

I'm fine,. He got up. Its time for me to go. 

Not so fast. 

There is a marriage.

What marriage?

Your marriage to S. Ulcer. 

......Seriously? It's true I've always had a crush on her since i'm not sure when. But isn't she married?

Lord Aardvark was quite insistent. And no, she's not.

"This is so unexpected. I never knew you had so much cheese power", S. said. Relizalon felt like he was at the theatre,
"the joke has gone too far", he said. S. slapped him. "What joke? How could you fool with my feelings?"

Look lady, i'm not even sure who you are. I've played along but obviously i'm in a dream or an illusion so...

What makes you say that?

Well, I hate cheese. And i'm pretty sure you are married. And don't you think this is ridiculous. 

"Well, well..."

Someone was slow clapping.




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Chapter 12 - Festering to With



[description of the eternal hall.] (sorry i'm so lazy to put what i thought into words right now)
My sister died. She will reform in time like a conch shell that refuses to heal. Another horror unleashed on the Midwest forests.
Unless i'm dead too.


Who are you?

i'm Goergousiant, i'm the forest and .. something else. [backstory related info dump](too lazy). I'm searching for that blind hag. She should be formed by now. Say, can you not feel the ruin upon the world?

He fixed his attention, "anyway.. I regret to inform you that you are dead. Or rather you'll soon be. There is no way you are
not now. I'm sorry. Hmm. Why are you not saying anything? Tell you what, there is a way you can survive here but you'd have to guess for the solution.

Relizalion observed the place. Entire situation was absurd. Danger! He knew the entity was speaking the truth. He just seemed bored enough to not to deceive. Damn..What to do. He realized he didn't even have time to argue judging by the shaman's attitude.

"What, are you giving up? I don't blame you. I guess i would too."

Relizalion seemingly dashed to right then jumped down. Rather die like this i guess. He didn't really need to articulate
and assumed this was just a huge descend, odds for survival of jumping down was better than certain death. At lower altitudes
the jump would turn out fatal and a bit higher he'd see a patch of plateu. Just as soon as the trajectory was about to transform from
horizontal he crashlanded to a mix of patch of earth. He tumbled towards what seems to be a statue.

"Occasio....you friend is here.." 
"Awwww, what just happened, my head... "

"Hello, I'm the slayer of this facility, and acting edgelord."
"Wait, weren't you..?"
"Burned to death? Yes. Let me give you some advice."
"Um, sure thanks", he managed to say.


A truth shared by many will be distorted to the likeness of the world. And what of an unshared one? It would not be likened to the beauty of the world. Convolution is a curse. You can sense the animal's hate, and when we turn there isn't a sun or a shadow.
Only world of mirror with no surprise element, its normal and its bad for consciousness. Trickly .Like the forming of the spoken word which mind tries to fight. Despite this, the words are judged worthy by a painted plague if they are to exist.

He looked at the blind hag. The timeline is fixed and the cherry swelling pompaduer back to his rightful place right now.
He could't help but gaze at her two massive peaks elongating boldly just below her neck and shoulders.  
She was smirking, "Say hi to your aunt for me."


This was a good one for me. I'm thinking this style is promising. 

Have a nice day all :)

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Chapter 13 - Fight (part I)



Multitude of orange white structures of the militia section were arranged neatly alongside blasé roads and flowery alleys near towering walls. The wind chilled the shoal. There were people chattering nonchalantly. The formation of dwellings extended to northern prairie. Chirping of birds for some were a feast for ears, sometimes not. Celebrations were happening for the 19400th festival of celebration for bright deity Palunsar. There was sounds of cheering, otherwise an act of unity of clear will. LHO's were reading from the knight codex.. "In the year 403, sun was an ever flamy cesspool...." .."tending to the masses.."    "..the storm"..

Relizalion had a scrupulous expression. "Yes yes chivalry its super, so great." Except cutting off from evil is not exactly the same as fighting. Hey, to each their own, should i have the chance i'd like to teach those mobile buckets a lesson. That's wrong. Hurting people is not right, usually. Why was most everything was a bargain..

The place seems secured. Overweight ghost tilted from above the wall.
"Why did you run away?"
"Well, you beat me up, why shouldn't i?"
"I didn't exactly beat you up. You clawed my arm, i reacted suddenly. Why are you acting like this?"
Ghost: ..
"I told you not to blabble around me whenever you fell the urge didn't i? I don't care what you do or say, only what you intend."
"Oh, the all powerful magician Syrissimo, you are so powerful and i'm so weak is that it?"
"No, correct answer here is the most rational. You are dead, and i really didn't care for your human qualities. Therefore i shouldn't care."
"Well, you can be happy.."
"Hey, come one let's go. "
She nodded reluctantly. 

The alarm.. what is that?
You are trespassing the property of the archmage Gandolfini.
"She belongs to our school now. You can't have her."

"Sigh"..... A magister lord was trouble.... After a while Relizalion sneered. As always you are trespassing old man.

Archmage frowned. "Zero respect as usual."

Relizalion hanged his head. You know what? Let's fight. Don't bother begging for mercy.

Well you know what? I'm also fed up with your attitude Relizalion. Everything is always opposite with you. While all you really are is a rabid animal. That stunt with the twins? Do you think me an idiot?! And how much planning it took to kill that crazy hag?



More pointless chatter chapter :(

Edited by ignnus
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Chapter 14- Fight (President Shi)



Relizalion were hitting a rock with his feet and he appeared to be daydreaming or else in thought.

Rain, darkness, cold. Those concepts are honest if nothing else. Its rough sure, its sad too, but there are much worse things than a little cold & dark and self pity. Night time is not so scary i would even say it is playful and serene. And dangerous, for sure. And I was curious if my strange silhouette could possibly turn to a revengeful tale at night. My ears were listening, my eyes were glistening, my heart was mad at me. I drowned it with my hands just so we could understand each other.


"Hey, i'm talking to you." said Gandolfini.

"Well, people say you talk to yourself often" said Relizalion. The ghost nodded repeatedly.

"Enough of you clowns." Archmage started to chant a spell. With a rare spell he summoned weapons, armor and a shield among a golden luminescence. Gandolfini hurled at the ghost. Ghost growled.

"What kind of wizard are you?.. Are you going to fight with those?"

Meanwhile, Relizalion was thinking his best chance was to summon a berserk spell and take his chances or else he couldn't possibly battle against one the most powerful archmages of the Archipelago. Well, you can't just summon a powerful spell whenever you want, isn't that right? Right.

"Wait, what? That sound.. some kind of blood magic?"

Danger! Something was chasing the wizard around.
"Is this an illusion?" "Warping reality? Impossible."
He was leaping around like a frog to dodge the storm.
Meanwhile the lightning started to shred his own clothes and started to destroy him.

Ghost bit her lips and entered the pool of shade. They watched as the maelstrom shredded the ghost as a sacrifice.

I want to beat you so hard your aunt wouldn't recognize you Relizalion, Gandolfini was furious.

"Wow, lookie lookie. Aren't you the master of the Esteemed Mages of Frosty the Town, watch me as I, Supr Tubrcilos save everyone now." Wizard face palmed. Just what this story needed, leader of the citizen union. Looked like he couldn't avoid this fight. Supr Tubrcilos was starting to say something threatening but he seemed to have a coughing fit. He looked like he was trying to chew his lung as a gum. While the archmage cast an armor of stone before, there would be no hope if he to fight without support. He flied away. 

See that? Relizalio? 
Syrissimo couldn't help but ask, what about his lung.."errr, esteemed Supr Tubercilos?"  "It doesn't matter, it'll help me get more respect in the guild. Plus these kinds of things are unimportant next to our manifesto. I forgot you are not nearly clever at your age. Don't worry. The union alliance will support you against your evil aunt."


Lots of OCD level organizing today so i was unable to get to writing early.

Best of Liquid dust. :D

Edited by ignnus
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Chapter 15 - An accident



"Alright, let's go."

Two union workers loaded injured body of Relizalion onto the stretcher. After President Shi made a gesture, they carried the stretcher towards the city while President Shi accompanied them. Small party had to go through the market district in order to reach to the poor part of town where the union hq was located. They were traveling close to market district when one the villagers stumbled or cramped and then angled the stretcher towards one side. The other worker was caught unaware and they mistakenly dropped the Relizalion into the sewers of the Vaults.

President Shi had veins popping from his head accompanied with sweat drops. He wanted to start chaos but not like this. This way he would get all the blame. He looked at the canal, this was very bad. There was no doubt that Archmage was spinning the truth by now and tomorrow morning he could expect a crazy aunt who by the way hated her nephew anyway but were very eager to find an excuse to crush the union. Even the mayor were secretly helping them see, Shi was no idiot. If they got the mayor and his necromancer lackeys to act, everything was over. For their alliance exile was the best option then. Not especially since only places they could go were hell compared  to frosty village. He had to see his allies right now.

The union was secretly allied with nobles. Also the medical wing, not to be underestimated. In return mages and mercenaries were allied. Necromancer guild and mayor was also allied but they exuded appearance of neutrality and protectors. Shi was no idiot. He knew they were totally his enemies. What choice did he have other than to settle here. Midwest was literal hell on earth which defied description. North and south wouldn't welcome them by any means. And there was nothing in the east. Or more like something unspeakable. Plus here he could recruit more people than anywhere else. So when he asked the mayor for land, Shi had to make a few promises.

All was not as bad as it seeemed. He had a very strong ally here that could in theory crush any one of the factions in the town. Rn Wyfn. They were a distant northern kingdom, way to the west on the craggy scraggly hills. It was the oldest and strongest civilization on earth? formed by some kind of birdlike noble people.[angiens duh]. They have completely hated the Frosty village for their own reasons and supported Shi on various occasions. Problem was that the kingdom was too far away from here so the support was limited but not ignorable. His side's lack of mages was balanced by the support of Rn Wyfn Kingdom. Still Shi did not feel safe at all. Damn those villagers.


Damn. Its hot. Still no excuse for bad English i know. Still.. its too hot. So any disease or sickness is thrice times painful. Err.. i had some stomach issues recently too. Possible food poisoning on a relatively small scale. Alright, Bye. Erhrm..~ and cya..

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Hello, for some reason I feel like i need to give an explanation to some people here about this novel since i hate drama. Its NOT about MD characters, any and all similarities to MD personas are accidental. If you see something you don't like that offends you or someone you know or anything else and is of course logical, send me a PM and i'll take care of it. IG out.

(On that point, i've been thinking about moving this to Necrovion only section for a while, But i'm not sure if have secret access anymore or if its relevant to move there. Err, i'm sure i'll get to it ..sometime soon.)

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