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ignnus

I'm Starting a Novell /Any Help appreciated!

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On 3/13/2019 at 9:41 PM, Bashaw Steel said:

Congratulations, Ignnus! May written word bring to you what others could not:)

I read the first part so here goes..

Avoid "ifs" in character introduction. It makes them look weak not by nature but by design, its better to start with more clear insight to their 
capabilities.

It is smart to describe the inner workings of the character first and then get to their agendas, ambition, goals etc.. So reader can follow and justify their action
which always has to be aligned with their inner self. Every "why" has to has an answer sooner rather than later.

Avoid creating a protagonist that is of opposite gender of your own:D Seriously, its far harder that people think.
For some reason female writers are far better in such things than man, to be perfectly objective:)

Most importantly, keep on writing and learn from mistakes. It`s a fascinating journey, Ignnus, never get tired of walking;)

Thanks a lot, these are not only helpful hints, are also encouragements which i always appreciate. Thanks for reading, and i agree with what you said. Maybe i should kill her and replace her with me :)

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On 3/10/2019 at 11:29 PM, Ungod said:

well, you don't have to be disappointed, because it's a start. some may say it's a bad start, i'd say it's okay, but it's only the start.

Thanks a lot.

 

On 3/10/2019 at 11:29 PM, Ungod said:

the way I see it, I divide books in two big piles: fun (entertainment) and how-to (manuals). There are fun books which last for centuries , because they also contain advice to heed; there are manuals that teach things in a fun way, so you can mix if you so feel.

Interesting.

 

On 3/10/2019 at 11:29 PM, Ungod said:

but when you decide to write, you basically choose from those two, and if it's entertainment, you HAVE to entertain. That's your purpose, and your readers have to be entertained. If it's not entertaining, or it is close to being entertaining, it means you have to work more

I'll be honest, I write this to entertain myself, i'm not super serious. But I'm also just realizing the effort needed to entertain people as you say.

 

On 3/10/2019 at 11:29 PM, Ungod said:

i'm sorry I write on your post so much instead of actual writers (md players) - they could point out more and give better advice...

 Thank you for the discussion and the help. I appreciate it.

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Chapter 5 - ?

Spoiler

 

The sound of market was super annoying. Because she often was fascinated or obsessed with details, like what day is it or how clean is are the shelves and the table. Luckily there was a memorial a few house later. An important and rich merchant Lord Aardvark J. Ulcer were deceased. She and her friends more dreamy than they were sad or depressed for this oppressive and rich merchant, to say the least. 

The chilly weather didn't seemed to bother the townsfolk who gathered around the clearing for the funeral. People paid their respects one by one. The mayor seemed to be conversing with townspeople. While some spoke out loud:

.."i've lost someone close to me and it is so sad. We would often talk and laugh, and this memorial reminds me of him so much.We were in the same family for 50 years. .." 

.."My family member died last year, it was always sad like life, this funeral reminds me of her. She worked a lot
and nice person..."

..."I'm a survivor of the poison that killed our family, its always sad and reminds me of them, i really like this weather, rain also reminds me of them. They would laugh and cry when it was raining, anyway i'm the only one remaining"...

Damn it, she wanted to join the dance floor but she didn't prepare a speech. That required work and thinking, it wasn't the time. She hurried to say something: "my family lost some members too, i remember this time when.." suddenly her speech was cut short by the mayor. She cursed her luck and her family for not being dead, then she regretted it, she loved her family in her own way.

"Alright ladies and gentleman, that is it unless anyone else wants to say something.."

"Let me say one thing my lord." .A woman in shiny armor looked at the crowd then saluted the mayor. Hello mayor,  what i'd like to say is not important, King Heron ordered me to pay condolences. He is also upset. They were friends. There was polite agreement around.

Someone else spoke: "excuse me i have something to say:

I'm tired of seeing people die in this town because of grudges. Can't we just live in peace?" There were agreements among the  sound of crying.

perjuri..

People were startled, they looked to the sky where an amazing voice booming. 

The crowd was asking "What the hell is going on?" each other. Everyone stopped.

liri.. centii.. laciri.. enericiii...  "What is that mean?"

The voice resonated and shook the ground. Air vibrations were very distracting and loud, the voice repeated the phrase.

Leiri cejuri enjiri, liri centiri.... 

People started scattering to all directions, their voices drowned by the tidal wave.  Folks who were slow to run seemed to be holding their heads. She was fine. She carefully observed her surroundings. There was only that lady from earlier and a teen. Coffin was nowhere to be found too. The teen was however in bad shape, screaming or moaning. When the angel grabbed his hand, he looked at her. She was shouting something, he nodded. And they ran down the hill together. She noticed the kids face and body seemed to be in very bad shape. Some of his features seemed distorted or dislocated.

Hey. Were ware we rumnim?
We must away from here first. Don't talk.
"Om i goum to die, sister?" Kid asked. 
Not if i can help it.

She was the only one. Except the people.

 

First i apologize for my English, and butchering it. Fortunately ,there is a spoiler tag to shield your eyes.

Secondly, this is getting difficult to write. Perhaps honeymoon is over. Or i'm not angry enough. I'm not sure which. On a brighter note, i made lots of progress on the lore & town.

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Chapter 6 - 666

Spoiler

 

"You have angered the deities, you cannot ignore them". Someone was chanting or shouting. She laughed. LOL. She observed her surroundings. It was getting dark. There were a lot of rich people. Like a puffin' palm tree she lifted their purses and belongings. She noticed some kind of parchment. That seemed like a contract with an insignia. Mercenaries.. ? They were tasked with clearing farm space for the town.

She was not a calculative person, in the eternal halls, she would often be seen chewing gum, winking to people. She started to calculate meticulously. There was no doubt they were not her friends, she hated their leader and principles. I mean what were they thinking? Fighting for money was the blasphemy.
"Even if i can't change the world,  we must believe in principles with a clear conscience. And maybe someday sights of civilization will improve."

Not only that, the mercenary guild offered people work. The employment rates was lowest since anyone can remember. Even a child could earn money. Everyone was happy, except the parents. There were rumors that the mercs were planning to move to the south. Veterans were tired from the bloody battles of midwest, and they wanted respect and to take care of their families.

"What a bunch of non-recycling bastards". She would fight for people ah, she was a mage of non-considerable talent. Could they just kill billions on the wars and live happily ever after? No. With this papyrus at her hand she was sure old guard would send these people to gallows. Except the document said her own faction was conspiring. No problem, just change the names. She would see her mentor and leader, Bridgitte the Blondie at the fifth day from now of the dawn

 

Guys, i'm sorry, i know this chapter is kinda bad/sucks.   Not a particularly great week for me. So i decided for a light/quick/fast chapter. So ehrm.. if you somewhat care, I promise the novel will get better.

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Chapter 7 - I'll gen

Spoiler

 

Whats up with this disease? Should i move near the ocean or something? She thought, when you define a system and set its rules, also some things are forever lost to you. If i'm not the lost part, then what? Why is it so dark and cold anyway? Ist the weather.. what's with this weather?  Whatever.. She was mymblin'  "wop wop wop wop and nanna styl.."

The coins was scarce, the silver was nonexistant. Wither thou wouldst i .... she lamented. Forgiveness? Huh? Why should i?
She was a member of incivnible reggenaretion. Don't act careless now, this isn't the village farms where the crops-mostly wheat- *chhcschhschs*..ed. Isn't it weird to call sunlight sun light? It should be sun ray or something.

Isn't all the field is totally dark? There is no sun. My vision is kinda lost. I could just shout to heavens, they do it so why can't i? You are nothing. Don't believe anyone. Teaching anyone anything, math for example, was the worst kind of lie, everyone knew the earth is managed by the exalted turtle.

Kitchen is nice. kitchen is our friend. Best stove was gen save her. Because she understood she didn't matter. There wasn't some prophetic story. No energy was here. Like they were dragging a boxer they carried her. She remembered. She punched a statue. She first slapped its hair, but that didn't feel satisfying. She wanted to draw stuff but the animal blood was expensive. The anger like she didn't know enraged her. She decided to smash the statue to bits. She attacked the statue. At first she thought she would succeed then suddenly she saw yellow eyes and she flied to the other side of the street.

 

Haha!. No

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Chapter 8 - Suspension
 

Spoiler

 

It was summer or some time after it, the building was [whiteish] in color and upper part was in construction. There were banners hanging from the third floor to the first floor. Part of the emblem featured a raven on a triangular background. She was standing on a foyer that covered the door as well and was of the same material as the building. There wasn't any motifs on the building. Yet there were shadows of other convergent structures. You could hear a wind flap or so.

She observed. Trees were there on high ground that featured three arms of a star. There were ledges and winding paths that went nowhere. To the south the sea line was low and vast. One side was like a half circle to the shore. There were fields of wheat that was as high as a human. In the middle of the field sat a fat baby in diapers, lord [name], it was the creator of this world. The giant baby would roll and flip, yet never went to the forest. He would sometimes lift his arms and pray to the forest three times a day then run around for the rest. Sometimes it would try to run 100 meter dashes. She looked at the field then draw her two handed sword, lunged at baby's feet. The baby cursed *** and looked down. He smiled and chuckled then picked her up, pinching her ears and nose. OW ow ow. He flied her around like a car or plane *wiuuuvv* in the air and the sea. After some time baby got tired and sat at the shoreline. She was frightened and half dead. Still the view was great.

 


My English is failing me hard. What to do?
Also can't name anything, i welcome any name suggestions, or if you want to be featured no problem. I'll try to be nice.
 
 

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No chapter this week, sorry. The wear and tear of routine, plus my dislike of the overall current political environment. I kinda drafted the draft of chapter 9, its not up to par. There are several more reasons for this, some are simple, some are not i assume..or not.We will have the chapter 9-10 next week, sorry and happy MD birthday. :)

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