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ignnus

I'm Starting a Novell /Any Help appreciated!

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On 3/13/2019 at 9:41 PM, Bashaw Steel said:

Congratulations, Ignnus! May written word bring to you what others could not:)

I read the first part so here goes..

Avoid "ifs" in character introduction. It makes them look weak not by nature but by design, its better to start with more clear insight to their 
capabilities.

It is smart to describe the inner workings of the character first and then get to their agendas, ambition, goals etc.. So reader can follow and justify their action
which always has to be aligned with their inner self. Every "why" has to has an answer sooner rather than later.

Avoid creating a protagonist that is of opposite gender of your own:D Seriously, its far harder that people think.
For some reason female writers are far better in such things than man, to be perfectly objective:)

Most importantly, keep on writing and learn from mistakes. It`s a fascinating journey, Ignnus, never get tired of walking;)

Thanks a lot, these are not only helpful hints, are also encouragements which i always appreciate. Thanks for reading, and i agree with what you said. Maybe i should kill her and replace her with me :)

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On 3/10/2019 at 11:29 PM, Ungod said:

well, you don't have to be disappointed, because it's a start. some may say it's a bad start, i'd say it's okay, but it's only the start.

Thanks a lot.

 

On 3/10/2019 at 11:29 PM, Ungod said:

the way I see it, I divide books in two big piles: fun (entertainment) and how-to (manuals). There are fun books which last for centuries , because they also contain advice to heed; there are manuals that teach things in a fun way, so you can mix if you so feel.

Interesting.

 

On 3/10/2019 at 11:29 PM, Ungod said:

but when you decide to write, you basically choose from those two, and if it's entertainment, you HAVE to entertain. That's your purpose, and your readers have to be entertained. If it's not entertaining, or it is close to being entertaining, it means you have to work more

I'll be honest, I write this to entertain myself, i'm not super serious. But I'm also just realizing the effort needed to entertain people as you say.

 

On 3/10/2019 at 11:29 PM, Ungod said:

i'm sorry I write on your post so much instead of actual writers (md players) - they could point out more and give better advice...

 Thank you for the discussion and the help. I appreciate it.

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Chapter 5 - ?

Spoiler

 

The sound of market was super annoying. Because she often was fascinated or obsessed with details, like what day is it or how clean is are the shelves and the table. Luckily there was a memorial a few house later. An important and rich merchant Lord Aardvark J. Ulcer were deceased. She and her friends more dreamy than they were sad or depressed for this oppressive and rich merchant, to say the least. 

The chilly weather didn't seemed to bother the townsfolk who gathered around the clearing for the funeral. People paid their respects one by one. The mayor seemed to be conversing with townspeople. While some spoke out loud:

.."i've lost someone close to me and it is so sad. We would often talk and laugh, and this memorial reminds me of him so much.We were in the same family for 50 years. .." 

.."My family member died last year, it was always sad like life, this funeral reminds me of her. She worked a lot
and nice person..."

..."I'm a survivor of the poison that killed our family, its always sad and reminds me of them, i really like this weather, rain also reminds me of them. They would laugh and cry when it was raining, anyway i'm the only one remaining"...

Damn it, she wanted to join the dance floor but she didn't prepare a speech. That required work and thinking, it wasn't the time. She hurried to say something: "my family lost some members too, i remember this time when.." suddenly her speech was cut short by the mayor. She cursed her luck and her family for not being dead, then she regretted it, she loved her family in her own way.

"Alright ladies and gentleman, that is it unless anyone else wants to say something.."

"Let me say one thing my lord." .A woman in shiny armor looked at the crowd then saluted the mayor. Hello mayor,  what i'd like to say is not important, King Heron ordered me to pay condolences. He is also upset. They were friends. There was polite agreement around.

Someone else spoke: "excuse me i have something to say:

I'm tired of seeing people die in this town because of grudges. Can't we just live in peace?" There were agreements among the  sound of crying.

perjuri..

People were startled, they looked to the sky where an amazing voice booming. 

The crowd was asking "What the hell is going on?" each other. Everyone stopped.

liri.. centii.. laciri.. enericiii...  "What is that mean?"

The voice resonated and shook the ground. Air vibrations were very distracting and loud, the voice repeated the phrase.

Leiri cejuri enjiri, liri centiri.... 

People started scattering to all directions, their voices drowned by the tidal wave.  Folks who were slow to run seemed to be holding their heads. She was fine. She carefully observed her surroundings. There was only that lady from earlier and a teen. Coffin was nowhere to be found too. The teen was however in bad shape, screaming or moaning. When the angel grabbed his hand, he looked at her. She was shouting something, he nodded. And they ran down the hill together. She noticed the kids face and body seemed to be in very bad shape. Some of his features seemed distorted or dislocated.

Hey. Were ware we rumnim?
We must away from here first. Don't talk.
"Om i goum to die, sister?" Kid asked. 
Not if i can help it.

She was the only one. Except the people.

 

First i apologize for my English, and butchering it. Fortunately ,there is a spoiler tag to shield your eyes.

Secondly, this is getting difficult to write. Perhaps honeymoon is over. Or i'm not angry enough. I'm not sure which. On a brighter note, i made lots of progress on the lore & town.

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Chapter 6 - 666

Spoiler

 

"You have angered the deities, you cannot ignore them". Someone was chanting or shouting. She laughed. LOL. She observed her surroundings. It was getting dark. There were a lot of rich people. Like a puffin' palm tree she lifted their purses and belongings. She noticed some kind of parchment. That seemed like a contract with an insignia. Mercenaries.. ? They were tasked with clearing farm space for the town.

She was not a calculative person, in the eternal halls, she would often be seen chewing gum, winking to people. She started to calculate meticulously. There was no doubt they were not her friends, she hated their leader and principles. I mean what were they thinking? Fighting for money was the blasphemy.
"Even if i can't change the world,  we must believe in principles with a clear conscience. And maybe someday sights of civilization will improve."

Not only that, the mercenary guild offered people work. The employment rates was lowest since anyone can remember. Even a child could earn money. Everyone was happy, except the parents. There were rumors that the mercs were planning to move to the south. Veterans were tired from the bloody battles of midwest, and they wanted respect and to take care of their families.

"What a bunch of non-recycling bastards". She would fight for people ah, she was a mage of non-considerable talent. Could they just kill billions on the wars and live happily ever after? No. With this papyrus at her hand she was sure old guard would send these people to gallows. Except the document said her own faction was conspiring. No problem, just change the names. She would see her mentor and leader, Bridgitte the Blondie at the fifth day from now of the dawn

 

Guys, i'm sorry, i know this chapter is kinda bad/sucks.   Not a particularly great week for me. So i decided for a light/quick/fast chapter. So ehrm.. if you somewhat care, I promise the novel will get better.

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Chapter 7 - I'll gen

Spoiler

 

Whats up with this disease? Should i move near the ocean or something? She thought, when you define a system and set its rules, also some things are forever lost to you. If i'm not the lost part, then what? Why is it so dark and cold anyway? Ist the weather.. what's with this weather?  Whatever.. She was mymblin'  "wop wop wop wop and nanna styl.."

The coins was scarce, the silver was nonexistant. Wither thou wouldst i .... she lamented. Forgiveness? Huh? Why should i?
She was a member of incivnible reggenaretion. Don't act careless now, this isn't the village farms where the crops-mostly wheat- *chhcschhschs*..ed. Isn't it weird to call sunlight sun light? It should be sun ray or something.

Isn't all the field is totally dark? There is no sun. My vision is kinda lost. I could just shout to heavens, they do it so why can't i? You are nothing. Don't believe anyone. Teaching anyone anything, math for example, was the worst kind of lie, everyone knew the earth is managed by the exalted turtle.

Kitchen is nice. kitchen is our friend. Best stove was gen save her. Because she understood she didn't matter. There wasn't some prophetic story. No energy was here. Like they were dragging a boxer they carried her. She remembered. She punched a statue. She first slapped its hair, but that didn't feel satisfying. She wanted to draw stuff but the animal blood was expensive. The anger like she didn't know enraged her. She decided to smash the statue to bits. She attacked the statue. At first she thought she would succeed then suddenly she saw yellow eyes and she flied to the other side of the street.

 

Haha!. No

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Chapter 8 - Suspension
 

Spoiler

 

It was summer or some time after it, the building was [whiteish] in color and upper part was in construction. There were banners hanging from the third floor to the first floor. Part of the emblem featured a raven on a triangular background. She was standing on a foyer that covered the door as well and was of the same material as the building. There wasn't any motifs on the building. Yet there were shadows of other convergent structures. You could hear a wind flap or so.

She observed. Trees were there on high ground that featured three arms of a star. There were ledges and winding paths that went nowhere. To the south the sea line was low and vast. One side was like a half circle to the shore. There were fields of wheat that was as high as a human. In the middle of the field sat a fat baby in diapers, lord [name], it was the creator of this world. The giant baby would roll and flip, yet never went to the forest. He would sometimes lift his arms and pray to the forest three times a day then run around for the rest. Sometimes it would try to run 100 meter dashes. She looked at the field then draw her two handed sword, lunged at baby's feet. The baby cursed *** and looked down. He smiled and chuckled then picked her up, pinching her ears and nose. OW ow ow. He flied her around like a car or plane *wiuuuvv* in the air and the sea. After some time baby got tired and sat at the shoreline. She was frightened and half dead. Still the view was great.

 


My English is failing me hard. What to do?
Also can't name anything, i welcome any name suggestions, or if you want to be featured no problem. I'll try to be nice.
 
 

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No chapter this week, sorry. The wear and tear of routine, plus my dislike of the overall current political environment. I kinda drafted the draft of chapter 9, its not up to par. There are several more reasons for this, some are simple, some are not i assume..or not.We will have the chapter 9-10 next week, sorry and happy MD birthday. :)

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Spoiler

 

The Relizalion Syrsimo walked through the path. There were trees. He could see people signalling from the castle.
He nodded to stipulate he understand. He placed the green tomato on a branch. The syrsimo family and he
didn't get along. They were righteous and well-educated folk, the kind you should fear most some would say.

The Celeste had nice promises but then was killed on the way by the rogue Rn Wyfn. The fear was
nobody's best darling, it was for free, so unlike living in the desert. The fight would go on.
What am i talking about? Poor Celeste.

The lounge had 3 separate areas. He hid in the middle. After days of running and hiding he could
finally rest here. Just when he was about the set camp, she appeared. The ghost of the lady who
was killed by the baby. Well, more like the worst ogre in the world. She was screeching: "father..
father..". So he killed her then cut off her thumb.

Torches and the crowd deemed thoughts useless. Mother death was smirking.

 

I have no idea what's going on with this novel anymore.  At least i'm naming names. +2 next week, sooooory.

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Spoiler

 

I doooooooooooooooooooooooooooon't care, leave me alone. The itch and the scratchy world was turning me to
a savage. My eyes were burning and there were weird plant particules in the air. You are awesome bro he thought to no one in general, you really know how to curb your pride and fight to the death like an automaton.

His aunt Lady Vylavont was constantly pestering him for some reason. And to make matter worse there was a ghost following him around now, howling "my thumb, uhuu". "Hey, look, it was a mistake, i didn't mean to cut off your thumb okay? So piss off." She seemed amused to no one in particular.

There was rust, and there was dust. The nature churned.

-okay, you can run around if you answer my questions, ok?. She nodded. How would i win a fight?, tell me.

-you would win because you are righteous, my lord.

He facepalmed. "Please, don't call me my lord, you fatso. I'm already grossed out." She frowned then added:

-Hate them to death, sir?

"Its always nice to hate, its more of an healthy exercise. Everyone hates each other. But how does that help me?"
She shrugged.
"How annoying."
"I don't know. As much as your aunty?"
"What's up with the cute attitude, your looks and personality are a totally awkward combination? And more
importantly, this isn't that kind of novel. Where is the lesson? Where is the rage?"
"Tehehehe"
He was hitting his forehead over the desk repeatedly. She started doing the same with her illusionary body.
"Alright, i thought of a genius idea." She seemed eager, "what is it?"
"Never mind it's stupid. What is your name anyway?"
"charade, son of charade"
"That's very lame. Anyway, interesting that you didn't lose your sense of humor. Or its like new found, hmm?"
"She pouted with guilt."
"I should read some books about ghosts now that i have a ghost pet." He thought for a moment, "never mind i'll
do it later."

 

*Squeal Squeal.* :xD

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Nice to see you still on the track!
Do you read something particular that drives you to create, ignnus? Or does it "gnaws" at your soul, urging you to let it go?:)
To be honest, your ideas are far better than the way you are presenting them. Try to make many short stories from this at first.
It will be rewarding to your mind that you accomplished something meaningful and there is less room for mistakes along the way:)

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Sorry i didn't see your reply before.

I'm familiar with most of the classic novels, though they weren't in their original languages. There is a deficit of interest in popular novels and anything in general since then that i disdain most literature now.  I liked Peter Pan a lot.

Regarding the nice ideas, i'm somehow aware i'm somehow talented, i also am not someone who's a hard worker. Due to cost efficiency, to please the reader doesn't interest me a lot. And thank you for saying so. I try to just imagine everything and simulate, and not think a clever idea/plot then convey. 

I try to keep track any media that is interesting, to me everything is related to imagination, that is the forge where anything can be made for the least cost. I can't recommend novels to you since i'm clueless. For poets:

Spoiler

John donne(most talented), Auden, Burnside, Plath, Tennyson, Hill and the riff raff: Celan, Carlos Williams, Wallace Stevens, Mary Wroth, Marina Ivanovna, Giacomo Leopardi, Ziya Paşa, Walter de la Mare

and others i can't remember.  For recommendations, there are a lot of anthologies of all kinds, and they are always a joy.

I'm currently reading the bible, its nicer than most books.

For other media that are related to storytelling, I'm a fan of Witcher & BG series, he man cartoon, x-files, supernatural(castiel lol), hajimete no gal, orville, ninja turtles&spiderman(90s versions), the movies: ninth gate and the pitch black. fantasy books: Zero Sight, albion's dream, Lotr & Harry potter, Rift War first book and more i can't remember.

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If you are aware of your talent it is only a matter of time before you get a hold of your writing frenzy. Fire needs to be tamed:)

When i begin a story i have this shiny perfection in my head and i instantly fall in love with it.
Now, when i start to write slight imperfections begin to appear and they tend to grow the longer the book, hence why i told you 
to focus on shorter stuff. Thing is, this is where hard work comes to play. Without it, you are just someone who have a story
within you, not the writer himself. You must present yourself as worthy of your gift or half-finished story will always come back to haunt you.

You have refine taste for occult themes where innocence is main protagonist, perhaps you should try the same field:)

 

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On 5/9/2019 at 3:50 PM, Bashaw Steel said:

When i begin a story i have this shiny perfection in my head and i instantly fall in love with it.

I can respect that, this is perhaps where we differ with regards to construction. I don't want to go on a lengthy discussion still i can not think logically, i prefer intuition. This can be a weakness to rally  and a strength to improve.

On 5/9/2019 at 3:50 PM, Bashaw Steel said:

Now, when i start to write slight imperfections begin to appear and they tend to grow the longer the book,

I'm familiar with this, not an issue for me to ponder a lot, instead of imperfections, disrespect towards the reader and some kind of repulsive heavy handed ness can often occur for me.

On 5/9/2019 at 3:50 PM, Bashaw Steel said:

hence why i told you to focus on shorter stuff. Thing is, this is where hard work comes to play. Without it, you are just someone who have a story within you, not the writer himself. You must present yourself as worthy of your gift or half-finished story will always come back to haunt you.

I don't want to present myself, this is meant to be a joke, a test for me and a freebie on the left field that grew way too comfortable with way too little skill.

On 5/9/2019 at 3:50 PM, Bashaw Steel said:

You have refine taste for occult themes where innocence is main protagonist, perhaps you should try the same field:)

Haha, thanks but i'm sorry what? 

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Ignnus, quoting parts of certain thought will often mislead you especially if you think about them as a whole.
Parts are exactly that-parts. I wrote that to show you how i feel about writing and how you should avoid things
i learned the hard way. My mistake, perhaps i was too Bashy:D 
You do how you think is best, best of luck:)

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Chapter 9 - Chapter

Spoiler

 

I'm toast its too hot. The crickets chirped, for a second he imagined the hopeless feasibility to go berserk and kill everyone.

...

-Alexandria said its environmental that is related to human interference of nature. Do you know anything about that, aunt?  
-TTL was talking about that the other day, who is Alexandria?
-Oh, you know, TTL? AOC is the new apprentice of TTL. I don't think she has long to live.
-Her aunt raised an eyebrow, seemingly pondering.
-I'm off to see her now, later.
 
If there was a word for the impression the architecture of the Magister hall oozed it would be hostility.  The statues seemed to hissing at everyone with some believable sort of sneer and disdain. Ignorant has no fear apparently. Tsk tsk. Hey, that's pretty good, he thought.

"Excuse me, i was looking for Alexandria Curtez", he said to the receptionist. Oh? One minute i'll call her. "Occasiooo, your friend Syrisimo is here." There was no answer. "She must be at the courtyard. Why don't you wait? I'll go get her", he nodded, she left the room.

Syrissimo looked around the enclosure.  It was a regular medical wing room, nothing out of place. The frame of mind of aunt's said otherwise. He went through the door she disappeared and emerged in an ill-lit hallway. The air was strangely eerie.
He opened a door, it was locked. "Are they all locked, what a waste of time." He tried another. 

Wow. This was surprising. 
Coffins, lots of coffins. He speculated these people were the ones who died here. Or more likely they were stored as research agent. He opened one. The person looked familiar. Wasn't this the J. Ulcer?  The moment the corpse heard the name it opened his eyes.
Aw crap. He cursed everything and run like never before.

There was a fire? I know nothing about that.


 

 

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59 minutes ago, Bashaw Steel said:

Ignnus, quoting parts of certain thought will often mislead you especially if you think about them as a whole.
Parts are exactly that-parts. I wrote that to show you how i feel about writing and how you should avoid things
i learned the hard way. My mistake, perhaps i was too Bashy:D 
You do how you think is best, best of luck:)

I didn't mean to argue incessantly. If i gave the impression i was offended, i wasn't and i'm sorry. I appreciate your insights. I used to try writing stories and it happened like you say, some flaw or whatever. If it helps i don't think that is important or necessarily related to author's talent.

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There is this video on Yt, "how to be creative" i think its called.
How to be persistent is more accurate name actually. Check it out, it helped me a great deal.
You will see the benefits of hard work there:)

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Chapter 10 -  The King and the Queen

Spoiler

 

Have you ever heard a woman whistle?
-No.
I'm telling you, its like i've discovered the truth.
-Why it is important?
Because, devil is in details. Why the hell woman doesn't whistle? Just ...why?
-Maybe you should ask your aunt?
Wouldn't even register or worse she steals my work? Nay. I'll try to make another woman whistle..
-That's .. a weird goal. Not exactly abusive but i can tell.. there is something wrong with that.
You think so? This isn't one of those made up terms that explains what's wrong with people you don't like, is it?
-No..
Never mind then.

Can time rot? Would we want it rotten? Maybe, and yes. You know like suckling on the tits of God, according to us everything
must be lowered to our level first. That somehow doesn't work with time. The definition itself is problematic. Time is
more than a shade. Are we friends still?

Its interesting how these kind of thoughts happen when i run afraid or say extremely happy, out of nowhere. J. Ulcer was bad news. More like fake news. It was bad news for the TNN. He reckoned the TNN building was about to be turned into a [disaster zone]. So no trouble if he just skedaddle, he hoped.

The Pristine Ford stumbled out from the burning building. Immolated variegated bits and chunks dropped like melted multifaceted emanations. Searing the shoulder, its face shimmered. She laughed a toothy laugh. Hahahahaaaaaaaa... You can't kill me..She closed her eyes. The casket was pulsing, more defiantly alas strange. Could it be? Was she going to heal now? This was trouble.. for everyone. Then the emerald worm lofted from the earth and gobbled her in a second.

Relizalion couldn't believe his eyes. Was there an elemental here? How could there be?

 

A mix up i guess..  What will happen next? 

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