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Intrigue

Proposed Title doc text: WHisper

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I had been waiting to see if there was any elaboration on the title doc texts, or an outline of information to be included on it. There hasn't been, so here's my attempt:

 

 

WHisper

Guardian's Echo

 

Awarded this title for being the most silent of the guardians.

Perseverance is with this one, as daily, he would tend to Bob, speak little, but watch much.

This title is the epitome of the root role of a guardian, and further proof that grand deeds are not always required to show ones dedication, deeds such as simply being there are just as important.

 

 

 

 

*edited to reflect Chew's input

Edited by Intrigue

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>>This title is the epitome of the root role of a guardian, and further proof that grand deeds are not always required to show ones dedication, simply being there are just as important.
 

That last section doesnt seem to flow properly. I would rewrite it by adding in:

 

 

This title is the epitome of the root role of a guardian, and further proof that grand deeds are not always required to show ones dedication, deeds such as simply being there are just as important.

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WHisper

Guardian's Echo

 

Awarded this title for being the most silent of the guardians.

Perseverance is with this one, as daily, he would tend to Bob, speak little, but watch much.(1)

This title is the epitome of the root role(2) of a guardian, and(3a) further proof(3b) that grand deeds are not always required to show ones dedication,(4) deeds such as simply being there are just as important.

 

(1) This made little sense to me in it's current format. I propose: "Tending to and watching Bob daily, with little or no speech, shows his exemplary perseverance." in it's place.

(2) Little flow to sentence, also how does the role represent the "root role" of a guardian? I suggest: "This person is the ​personification of a guardian's duty,"

(3a/b) No need for serial comma nor "and". Semicolon can represent an equal importance of to conjoining sentence. I recommend: Replacing serial comma for semicolon and rewording for sentence flow. "...; further proving that..."

(4) Two conjoining sentences of equal importance? I suggest: Replacing comma with semicolon.

 

My suggested edit:

 

 

WHisper

Guardian's Echo

 

Awarded this title for being the most silent of the guardians.

Tending to and watching Bob daily, with little or no speech, shows his exemplary perseverance.

He is the ​personification of a guardian's duty; further proving that grand deeds are not always required to show ones dedication; deeds such as simply being there are just as important.

 

 

Just my thoughts on it. Disregard if you feel unhelpful or wrong. :)

Edited by Sasha Lilias

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Again, I appreciate the feedback. I chose the wording "root role" because the very basic "root" of the role is to just be there, regardless of any speaking or doing. Others may go on to do much more elaborate things, such as encouraging events or rp combat with others, but WHisper's dedication to simply being there is equally as dedicated as the more "interactive" guardians. He is a perfect example of this perhaps basic, but necessary bit of guardianship.

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