Once upon a time, on a dark and stormy night three brave and intrepid Researchers came across an amazing discovery.
While working to excavate the buried ruins of an ancient temple, part of the floor in the chamber they were working on caved away to reveal a hidden chamber beneath them!
Holding a torchlight to the strange glyphs that marked the passage of the entryway, the Lead Explorer was able to decipher among them a single sentence that had been etched deep into the stones above
SHOUTS: "beware the curse of the coffin!"!
Now, all of them being the pinnacle of modern and enlightened individuals the three men naturally dismissed this grave this warning with a scoff and a chuckle of amusement.
Their pioneering and courageous spirits coupled with a thirst for knowledge spurred all of them forward in their pursuit of knowledge.
Once they had entered the chamber it soon became apparent how they had indeed discovered a burial chamber but one beyond the wildest dreams of anything they would find there!
The wealth of the tomb seemed to have been created for a king or an emperor with a veritable treasure trove of valuables and artifacts stacked upon every conceivable surface.
Above them all though was a giant and ornate sarcophagus that seemed to have been carved out of the purest gold.
Shaped much larger than any man could possibly grow, the exquisite sepulcher behemoth towered above any of the other treasures gathered. It shone so brightly in the that all else inside the chamber seemed dull
Etched across the surface were the same arcane warning that they had seen previously marking the doorway and once again the warning was repeated...
SHOUTS: Beware the curse of the coffin!!!
Further smaller writing covered the sides of the structure and went into greater detail describing the curse and the horrible death that would follow any creature that dared to disturb its sanctity there.
Fully expecting to eventually die somehow anyway, the three adventures again dismissed the grave warnings as well as the supercilious existence of any curse...
Scarcely able believe their good fortune, the three brave Seekers of Enlightenment studiously set to the long and involved task of processing and collecting their Research for submission
And Of course, this discovery made each of them extremely rich.
Stunned by this treasure trove of knowledge, their names and faces were soon known across the whole of academia.
Museums and galleries everywhere clamored and begged to be allowed to display their wondrous findings.
The three researchers soon became quite famous and powerful.
then conceded to spend the rest of their lives taking every advantage of their newly elevated status and enjoying the privileges it held.
*Ars Alchemy pauses a brief moment to put away his notes*
Then on a day, exactly one year after their famous discovery one of the men enjoying his freedom by scaling to the peaks of the tallest known mountain in existence.
then from out of nowhere a giant shadow fell across the whole mountain side and one of the expedition team looked upwards
to spot the silhouette of a giant coffin looming over the peak above them.
Moments later a massive avalanche covered the entire mountainside and every member of the expedition was killed.
Now, this story got about of course and even reached the ears of the other two explorers
although the 'coincidence' of the tragedy occurring on the anniversary of their discovery, the researchers were still well confident in their grasp of the natural order.
Even still though, just to be safe: the 2nd researcher decided that when the time came again he would be in a place far removed from where any harm could befall him.
So one year later, just when the same date was about to recur he charted for himself a private pleasure yacht
and sailed far out away from where any harm could become him
The moon was bright on the still waters that night, and the band played music as the guests sat and were served their delicious dinner.
Then, on the stroke a midnight a cry of alarm was heard from the crownest
there floating on the horizon was the ghostly resemblance of that sepulcher coffin floating across the waters
gliding steadily towards them even though there was no wind to propel it the ghastly structure cut through the waves until it struck the side of the boat's hull
and passing through the hull without resistance
the coffin left a gaping hole behind that soon was filled up with rushing water
the good ship went down that night and every hand aboard sank with her
now, by this time the story was wide and well-known
(the ocean liner had managed to get out a report of the circumstances surrounding the events before it sank*
The last remaining member of the expedition, the leader, had no choice but to concede facts
and he resolved then that it wasn't going to happen to him. he would escape this horrible fate
having an entire year ready to prepare for that fateful night, the party leader set about making preparations to preserve his life
first thing he did was to recruit a large and well trained group of mercenaries to serve as his private army
equipping them with the most effective and lethal weapons at that time, he then started construction for an impenetrable fortress
3 separate walls, a battery of batteries, and every trapwire and pitfall he could fit between him and them
but, what lay at the center of his castle was what he put the most effort and concern into.
a steel lined panic room with walls of steel 6 feet thick and a large door built like a safe
so, one year later, when that time had come again this is where he would find himself. he was ready
waiting nervously inside the vault all was quiet and still until the tone of a clock announced it was midnight
and then the shouts came about from over the walls
the coffin again had been sighted, lurching towards them with an uncanny shuffle that rocked it from side to side and moving it forward
Bam-Pow, Bam-Pow, it approached the walls
the army let fly at it with their most powerful explosives, soldiers let rain using all their ammunition
but each blast either punctured off the sides of the casket or sometimes seemed to pass straight through
Bam-Pow, Bam-Pow...up to the walls of the structure
it reached the front gate, with iron wrought portcullis
and the door shattered liked kindling as the coffin plowed on straight though
the 2nd and 3rd walls provided no additional resistance, soldiers either ran and fled or dropped their weapons to hide
rushing inside to his keep the researcher grabs the crank and wheels shut the heavy door entombing himself inside airtight
outside can still be heard the approach
*whispers* bam-pow, bam-pow
his lieutenant in there beside him is gibbering in fear, eyes rolled back in his head
showing the dead whites of his eyes
until suddenly silence
that's when the sarcophagus comes straight through the thick steel walls materializing inside through them like a phantom
*softly* bam-pow, bam-pow
it's now only feet away from the researcher
the man backs away from it to the far wall and reaches silently into a hidden compartment of his desk
and pulls out a bottle of Vicks
because Vicks can stop any coffin'
*Ars Alchemy sits down*