The disastrous pub night
Day 124 of prison time. I have finally found the courage and clearness of mind to put my story on paper. It isn't one I'm particularly proud of, it is why it has taken me so long to write it, to face it even. I tried so hard to forget it but it is carved into my memory.
It was a casual Sun-day, I was at the pub with Ledah, having a few beers. We were laughing and cheering and having a great time. All until Ledah received a message, he suddenly turned serious and asked me something. My answer did not please him and we got into a discussion. Voices were lift and it eventually escalated into violence. Until it as suddenly stopped as swiftly as it began. And Ledah laying on the floor, blood running along the side of his head, and me standing above him with a broken bottle in my hand. And the sad thing is I don’t even remember what we argued about. Knowing Ledah it must have been something silly. ...How did it get this far?
The panic and regret filled my heart, but my head was filled with a dark cloud of treacherous reasoning. I dragged Ledah onto a carpet and rolled him into it. Then I wiped all the glass away and cleaned the spilled drinks, put the tables and chairs back in their places, when they weren't broken at least. Luckily pub fights are a commodity so there are no questions about a few tables or chairs less.
I lifted the carpet onto my shoulder and carried Ledah with me to the drywater temple. There I held a short little private ceremony before I burned him on a pyre of broken chairs and tables, scattering his ashes in the 4 corners of the East.
It didn’t take long before people started asking questions of his whereabouts. An excursion of the East foundations I uttered. And of course, as time passed by many search parties went there to find him. But not me, I sat down at the drywater temple, trying to face what had happened.
I grew apathic and violent, pushing everyone way. My only friends I had left were the pubkeepers as long as they supplied and the nightshade dealers for as long as I had the coin. I was alone, drifting towards insanity, floating between high and hungover. Some tried to talk me back to the land of reason, saying it wasn’t my fault that Ledah got lost. He was the village idiot after all, it was no surprise he would lose his way even if he walked a straight line. But it only brought me further down. The flow of days and faces passing by seemed endless but so did this torturing guilt.
Lady Ailith was one of those faces who stopped by at times, out of respect of what friendship we used to have I think. She lengthily tried to persuade me to give up this life and start living again. I got angry and lashed out at her. She was struck down to the ground, with a fine line of blood running from her temple. Flashbacks immediately appeared to that cursed night in the pub. My hands started shaking and I dropped to my knees crying. As Ailith got back onto her feet I confessed to her.
The following weeks were a blur. Was there a trial, or not I can’t remember. Was I dragged to jail or did I put myself here, I am not sure. How long do I need to stay here? Probably not long enough but little do they know that I'm eternally caged in my mind. Day 124 and I'm through withdrawal, my head is clear again and I can think again. It is time to face my punishment. Here I sit and here I will stay. Out of respect of Ledah, and all those friends I have let down. It is time I become the man I used to be again.